My heart is overwhelmed.
My soul is burdened.
My body is tired.
I lack energy.
I lack strength.
I lack peace.
I lack balance.
I lack rest.
I lack trust in Jesus.
Transitions have never really been my thing, and I don’t think they ever will be. I like routines. I like knowing what to expect. I like plans. I like details. I like being in control.
As you can imagine, this tired heart isn’t sure what to feel about all of the change that is happening. In April I find out if I am selected to complete a dietetic internship in the fall. I am graduating college in May. I am starting a new job this summer, & I am more than likely starting a new, different job in the fall. My sister is going to college. Oh, and I am getting married in May.
Life is going to look different.
Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited for this new season of life. I am beyond excited to graduate (can I get an amen?). I can’t wait to start my career and do what I truly love to do. It really is a dream come true to marry my high school sweetheart. I know that my sister is going to rock it at college.
Yet….I don’t have peace.
My mind is often consumed with worries and lies that I know come straight from satan himself. It is satan’s desire to intimidate us, worry us, and convince us that God is not good and that his plan for our lives is lacking. He tries to maximize our weaknesses and minimize our strengths. He lacks wisdom and discernment. He is the father of all lies. He is manipulative, convincing, & crafty. If we aren’t careful, we may start to believe the lies that he constantly plays through our minds.
“You better beg God that you get that internship because if you don’t, you will spend the rest of your life working in foodservice.”
“You better appreciate these last few days in college while you can. After school, you won’t have friends. You have always had a hard time making friends, so don’t expect anything different.”
“You care too much, about your friendships, your family, & random people you don’t even know. It’s weird. Most 8-year-olds don’t cry when their fish die, yet you did. Awkward. Why do you care so much, about everything? That isn’t normal.”
“Hopefully you will fit into your wedding dress. If not, that’s embarrassing.”
“You should probably hop on the “pre-wedding diet regime” so that you can avoid all of this.”
“You won’t be a good wife. You’re too emotional and tired. You’re too high maintenance. You’re too much.”
“When your sister goes to college she is going to move on without you. Remember, you are both very different people. It’s time to make the split.”
“You won’t be able to handle all of this change.”
Wow. That’s a lot, right? The lies that satan bombards us with are often either flat our lies or are a mixture of a partial truth and a lie. Both can be hard to discern. The things that satan says to us are never uplifting or encouraging. They are always condescending and condemning. They focus on the negative. They are often cruel and prey on our insecurities.
When I take a step back, it’s easy for me to draw out themes from these lies that the enemy is telling me. The lies that the enemy tells me shift from day-to-day and season-to-season. However, his themes are always the same. He us to be so crippled by his voice that we fail to hear the voice of God. He wants us to drown. He wants us to believe that we will fail. Here are a few major lies that I have to actively guard my heart against:
- You have to earn the love that you receive from your friends, family, and sometimes God himself.
- You’re inadequate.
- There is something wrong with you.
- God is not good.
When I take a step back and examine God’s word, it’s easy to see where the flaws in satan’s logic fall.
- I will never have to (or be able to) earn the love of God. I am loved by God. You are loved by God. That is are position, no matter who you are and what you have done. God’s love for us and our actions are not related whatsoever. He loves us, right now, right where you are, & there is nothing that we can do to change that. As beautiful as relationships on earth can be, they will always be flawed and broken. A relationship isn’t healthy or God-centered if we constantly feel like we have to earn the approval of another person, whether that be a friend, family member, or significant other. Love doesn’t require us to perform; it sees us for all that we are & still chooses us despite our short comings.
- I am 100% inadequate by myself, & so are you. We are nothing apart from the Lord. When Christ lives in us, we are 100% adequate all of the time. When the Lord acts it cannot be reversed. His grace is sufficient & his power is always made perfect in our biggest weaknesses.
- There is something wrong in all of us. It’s called sin. When Adam and Eve sunk their teeth into the apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, sin entered the world, along with disease, pain, & suffering. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God, & we are by nature, children of wrath. We are born with the tendency to turn our backs away from God. We are all born imperfect, and that’s okay. That’s why Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross. He makes all things new. He takes the old, rusty, and broken parts in our hearts and begins to restore them and heal them. He promises us eternity with him. He looks upon us and is well pleased. He fearfully and wonderfully created us. We are not our sin, we are who Jesus says we are: holy, beloved, righteous children of God, sons & daughters, co-heirs with Christ, forgiven, & redeemed.
Peace begins with trust. Lord I trust that you are good. I trust that you withhold nothing good from me; that your plans, even when they involve pain and suffering, are always good. I trust that you are in control even when I can’t see into my future. I praise you because you are constant in my life during seasons of great change. I know that I can always depend on you. I trust your wisdom and discernment. I lay down my desire to plan, control, and account for every detail in my life. I choose to rest in you today. I choose to rest in your constant, never-changing love. I praise you that I don’t have to do anything to earn your love, & that you love me exactly where I am today. Remind me each day to claim my identify in you. I am loved by you, cherished, favored, adopted, equipped, prepared and victorious because of your son. Lord in your ways & in the victories that I have not yet seen. Settle my heart. Remind me to, “Be still, & know that you are God.” I trust you with unanswered prayers and healing that still needs to be done. I trust you with my schedule. I trust you with my family. I trust you with my friendships. I trust you with my career. I trust you with my life. I trust in the things that I cannot see. Help me to trust in areas that I lack in. Flood my heart with your peace. I trust you with today, tomorrow, & the rest of my life. Be glorified in me Jesus.
“He keeps perfect peace in those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in him. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the rock eternal.”