A Letter From My Body

Hey Em,

It’s hard to believe we have been together for over 21 years. God has blessed you and I with beautiful blue eyes, curly hair, a genuine smile, and so much more. You are fearfully and wonderfully made; you are God’s masterpiece; there is no one else in the world exactly like you. You are a perfect combination of your mom and dad, even with your so-called “flaws”. We have been through so much life together, from the first moment you crawled to the first time you stepped on a basketball court, and everything in between. Your legs have taken you around the world to Guatemala, The Dominican Republic, Italy, Canada, Tennessee Tech, Missouri, NYC, & many other places. Your feet have helped you, “Go, and make disciples of all nations.” Your arms have allowed you to embrace many friends, family and strangers. They have allowed you to create, play, learn, and love. Your smile has brought life and joy to many people. Your hair is unique and it is what makes you who you are. You have heard it 1,000 times, but there are really many girls who would “pay money” to have some of the curls you have, even when they get frizzy. Your eyes allow you to see the beauty of this world despite its brokenness. Your fingers allow you to type and write and create. Your hips and stomach will allow you to bear children and start a family. Your mouth allows you to encourage, uplift, & speak life and truth. Your voice enables you to worship God through song. Your brain allows you to choose Jesus every single day. It enables you to think, study, analyze, love, live & so much more. It helps your body do what it needs to do. Your heart keeps everything running smoothly & working properly, & it is what makes you who you are. In your heart, you know that it is time to make peace with me. We have spent many years together trying to navigate the bumps in the road that come with living in this broken world. I will admit that I didn’t know how to deal with the stress that your body was taking on and I am sorry for all of the pain that you have experienced because of that. I will admit that no matter how hard I try to be perfect for you, I just can’t be. I try to get rid of toxins in your body, make up for your lack of sleep, give you energy when you need it the most, and help you concentrate when it seems impossible. I am trying to help you live as long as possible so that others may see Jesus through you. In order for me to help you, you have to keep taking care of me. When you were restricting food, I panicked and I didn’t know what to do. I stopped your menstrual cycle because I knew that your body wouldn’t be able to handle a pregnancy. I couldn’t help you concentrate in school because I just didn’t have the resources to do so. I tried to help you survive on as little food as long as possible but I couldn’t do it. I fought to keep your weight where it needed to be but I couldn’t save it. I had to keep you awake at night in hopes that you would come to your senses and eat. Your stomach pain got worse and worse because you weren’t consuming enough food. I am so proud of how far you have come and I am so happy that you have started taking care of me. Food has helped you heal so much! It gives you so much more energy than I could by myself. It allows you to sleep at night, and keeps you out of pain. I’m so glad that your recovery team has helped you manage your stress and anxiety; it just makes my job a whole lot easier. I know that it is hard, but I need you to keep taking care of me. You have to eat every day…there isn’t any way you can avoid it. You need to rest…a lot. You need to nap, you need to have down time, and when you are tired you need to sleep. As your mom would say, “You could probably use about a week of sleep.” Don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You need to try and listen to me when it comes to eating and exercising. I know that this is really difficult for you right now, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, I am confident that you will learn to be able to do that. Lastly, you have to stop trying to manipulate how we look and start loving yourself for who you are. Restricting food and exercising excessively won’t make you any prettier, any more loved, or any more justified in the sight of God. You are saved by grace. I know that you are working to love yourself for who you are. Please keep doing the hard things so that you will fully recover. I want to make peace with you. The more and more that you take care of me, the more and more you will begin to appreciate me for what I do for you and how you look. Keep fighting and don’t give up.

Love,

Your Body

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